I promise this won’t be much of a post. It is more of an excuse to put something out there than a real reason for writing. I am not really sure why I am having such a writer’s block right now, but I am having one. When I saw the writing prompt of Helpless, I found a reason to write.
Some reasons that I feel helpless, or things I feel helpless about….
1. I guess the first issue is that lately it seems every time you answer a text or the phone, someone else that touches us or people we care about has passed away. It started around Christmas and, “pun, pun” it is just seeming to snowball. We all knew that Nate’s grandmother was in her last stages of life with the cancer and such, but she wasn’t nearly the first. And to hear of so many from this area who took the suicide route, young men, why aren’t we able to react correctly when we see something amiss. Besides the obvious fact of death, it all makes me feel helpless because so far, I have only been able to attend one of the funerals and that was Dorothy’s. Today was Al’s funeral and I didn’t even take the time to send them a card yet. Hopefully tomorrow I can sit at the table and do some of the long overdue paperwork.
2. Speaking of paperwork. It is time to finish off the figures for the KALM, LLC accounts plus the land and get that to the tax lady. We have a daughter, who needs some financial aid to go to college. Is is really that bad when the last one leaves? I don’t remember having such a fit about the other two. Of course, I knew where they were going. I felt confident about them because they were going back to Jamestown. They were going HOME! Paulina is going to Bismarck. It is just up the road a bit, but a much bigger, scarier town than Jamestown, and it makes me real nervous. Why can’t I just give into the idea that she is a big girl now? On the other hand, Bismarck has John and Angie, Kenny and Kendra, Paul and Chrystal as well as a few other people we know, but it just doesn’t seem as safe to me. Yikes.
3. Helpless, I am starting to think of all the work we have to complete before graduation. She wants a scrap-book. I can’t think of putting that together. 18 years of life in one book of pictures and notes and papers. How does one do that? Maybe if we just put together a collage of photos. I had nice photo albums for Jess and Vic of their growing up years, and what did they do? They destroyed them to do a history project in high school. They took photos out for the project and never returned them. Done, fineeeee, I wasn’t going through all of that work for another person to wreck it.
4. Helpless: I finally finished my list of goals for 2013. I didn’t leave a space for Sudoku. I didn’t leave a space for any other computer games. I didn’t categorize dieting. I left all of that for the vague category of health. The health of eating right and the mental health of practicing word and number games. Both James and I are starting to feel the effects of age. I keep harassing him about which of us will go first (mentally). Last night he suggested it will be a joint effort. I laughed that we will have a wonderful retirement because we will meet each other new each day. Not so funny when you think about it. On the flip side, as most people get violent with that disease, perhaps I will mellow…who did you say you were again?
5. Not so helpless: One great fact of the depression of the northern countries is the lack of light in the winter. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am happy to report that the days are getting longer. This is a wonderful time, to know for a fact that we are seeing more light each day is such a positive. I realize there are only a few minutes being added on each day, and it will be some time before the full effect is felt, but the hope…(“Hope is a Thing with Feathers”….thanks Emily) means so much right now. One of my goals is to be a better giver, if not financially, then a giver things or time or kind words or something along that line. I need to look around and see what have in abundance that I could share to make someone else’s day better, brighter, cheerier.
How about some color, some sunshine from the north….I know it is a long time between now and the gardening season, but real gardens and gardeners don’t die, they just go indoors. I want to leave you with a few photos of a small part of my indoor garden. The fun garden, the flowers. These are the plants that are located in James’ classroom. His window faces to the south and the geraniums appreciate the fact that they don’t have to die. How you enjoy them. I think that since I have only 20 plus kalanchoes in the house in Linton, I may just take some of those and repot them and give them away…just one little thing I can do today…or maybe tomorrow after the paperwork is finished.